“I Hate Your Guts.” And a Confession.

Fights. They happen. And, that is almost the same as saying “The earth, it moves”. I am terrible when it comes to dealing with confrontations even those where I am mostly on the “not my fault” corner. I would rather flee than exchange sharp words.

1363201523_surprised_squirrel

Yes, that squirrel is me. I am the squirrel.

But, that is hardly a solution now is it? I can’t keep ducking out of the room every time something bubbles under the surface. Similarly, I can’t move 1552.52 miles away from the fight-zone because I couldn’t handle it. So what’s a girl to do when all she wants to do is run? She swallows the fact that fights will happen and Words will be said, but it’s on her how she wants to phrase them with a surgeon’s precision or a clumsy wrecking ball. I think the former would be my pick.

This is where The List comes into play.

  • Breathe. No seriously, BREATHE. This is not the end of the world, unless you are arguing about who gets to press the shiny red button that brings destruction for us all. In which case, continue arguing.
  • Dissect the verbal assuage that is no doubt heading towards you. Yes, I am telling you to calmly rationalise why you are in this position right now. It could be a misunderstanding, an actual grievance or simply because the other person hates your guts for reasons unknown.
  • No matter the case, keep a calm head. Try inhaling and exhaling on a regular pattern. Or there is this nifty little app called MindShift that offers you some meditation tips and how to be as cool as a cucumber, that you can use. Try it out the next time you feel like you want to bolt but can’t and have some time left before the showdown.
  • Breathe.
  • Don’t bring out any sort of personal weakness card of the other person. Yes, it brings you a moment of “Ha! In your face!”. However, it’s not worth it. At least for me it isn’t. That’s probably the reason why I tend to avoid fights. I am fully capable of being Smaug and I don’t like myself at that moment. I feel it weighs me down and emotionally drains me. I know my running away habit isn’t a very good alternative either; this growing up business is hard.

At the end of the day keep your expectations low, understand that the other person is human too and put yourself first. If it’s something that needs to be clarified then calmly do so. If it’s the other person telling you they lost all respect for you as a person after 2 and half years of friendship over a meaningless paper, then just walk away. You deserve better. [Yes, that actually happened. Twice. Last year. Let it sink in that two people decided to gaslight and emotionally wreck me over an essay. I deserve all the damn cookies.]

This was initially going to be a rant because the last few days haven’t been the best for me. But, I decided to see if I could create something constructive out of that anger and voila (or not)!

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