I never thought I would have to write about cutting. If you had asked me even four months back I would have said “No, I don’t self-harm!”. But right now as I look at my arms littered with angry welts from digging my long nails into my own flesh, I don’t know what went wrong. I remember looking at the mirror and my fists reverberating in my skull all the while half-sobbing and calling myself “STUPID”. Logically I know I am not stupid, but that’s a tale for another day.
All I can say now is that when my nails sink into my arm I can regain some semblance of control, I can hold back my tears and pretend to at least play normal, because let’s face it I am never going to be fine or normal. Passably socially functional probably. Normal? Not by a long shot. An entire childhood of bullying, dysfunctional parents and dwindling self-esteem has taken care to sink that ship like the Titanic.
Watch the video if you or anyone you know is going through similar things and maybe another sunny day from now we won’t rain on the inside.